fear.

“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously 

that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.”

― J.K. Rowling

fear. that nasty little four letter word that plagues my life. when I was little it didn't exist. My father has often told me how he though I wouldn't make it through my childhood because I had no fear of getting hurt. We would go skiing and I would point my skis straight down the hill and zoom down as fast as I could.

Somehow over the years I have let fear creep into my life, and I don't like it. It seems like the more I experience life, and the more I know- the more I know can lead to pain, so I fear. I fear failure, or the unknown. I fear pain, emotional and physical. Fear can be paralyzing. I love the quote by J.K. Rowling above- you can live so cautiously, and avoid pain at all costs, but then you haven't really lived.

This summer is a summer of overcoming fear. I have no idea what I am doing as an EFY coordinator, but I am learning as I go.  Each unknown session brings a fear of failure, but I am trying to let faith overcome fear. Can I just say it is NOT easy. It is amazing though how everything works out for the best. The lessons you learn from failure or pain are necessary- while not always enjoyable. Looking back on my life and times of pain or hurt I wouldn't take them away because they have made me who I am today. So it seems silly that I would live so cautiously as to avoid those moments that make me better and refine me.

Right before this summer of EFY started I remember thinking to my self. "What did you sign up for? What were you thinking?" I just wanted to stay in Provo. I loved my life there. I had amazing friends and I didn't want to leave them, even if for only 10 weeks. I knew what I was doing, and I was good at it. I had a schedule. Life was comfortable. Leaving stretched me, I wasn't comfortable. I didn't know many people. Every moment of every day was pretty much spoken for. I remember not wanting to come, but I have been amazed at the lessons I have already learned only three weeks in. The close friendships I have built. I have learned more about myself and what I am capable of. I feel so blessed to have this opportunity!

So knowing what I know- I shouldn't have fear in any part of my life, right? Every experience I have is making me better, and making me more like my Heavenly Father. Like it says in Ether 6:5- the winds always blew towards the promised land. Just like the scary things in my life. So...

Dear fear,

Please go away. I dont like you, and you are the dumbest.

Sincerely, Ellie

This topic of fear has been on my mind a lot lately, and tender mercy... we watch a mormon message as a BC team every Sunday right after church before we have a quick meeting with what needs to get done for the day. Today Chris was in charge of picking the video. The video he shared was just what I needed... enjoy.