Does he have a seeing eye dog?

Dear time,
Please slow down. You are going too quickly.
Sincerely,
Ellie

I feel like my life is flying by in the blink of an eye. I felt like just yesterday was Monday and it is already Friday. Where is the time going? Have you noticed in your life that when things are going well time goes faster but as trials come (or you are in a boring class) time seems to stop. Why is that?

Today was another grand day. With my few extra minutes in the day I ran over to Matt and Keri's to help Keri while she tiled. I am proud to say I learned how to back butter. Sounds intense, right? All you do is spread the tiling gook (or adhesive) on the back of the tile. Keri was a speedy mcspeederson doing it and I was as slow as a turtle being terrified I would mess something up. Soon Ethan woke up and my efforts were quickly turned to making sure he didn't destroy the house. However, the little munchkin is perfect (well almost) and sat on the carpet outside the bathroom just holding the next tile keri would need in his lap (which was the size of him) and then trying his very hardest to hand it to her. Ethan's help didn't stop there- he ran with me to Lowe's to pick up some more tile adhesive for Keri. Embarrassing moment time. We were at Lowes, Ethan chillin in the cart, me pushing the cart having no clue where to find said material. I asked a nice looking worker dude for help finding it- he quickly led the way and life was grand. We found it and he asked if I needed help. It wasn't a huge bag so I politely said, "I think i've got it." After all I have been going to the gym. I was wrong. It might have been small but oh brother was it dense. I went to pick it up and immediately dropped in because of the other things in my hand. I set the things down and then struggled to get the bag into the cart. Moral of the story. accept service.

So my moral/character thought of the day. Keri gave me her credit card to buy the adhesive. As I went to check out I felt like such a little sneak, after all my name was not keri. It was under 25 dollars so I didn't have to sign anything but he asked for a phone number. I felt awkward as I got out my phone to give him Keri's number. But it made me think of when parent's call in pretending to be their son/daughter to get information. Am I holding a double standard? I get super frustrate with these parents who are lying in order to get information, when a lot of times their child has asked them to call. Keri had asked me to use her credit card, but does that change the fact that I was not keri? As I've thought about it I keep making the excuses- It just made life easier, it is like she had given me cash, I was helping her out. But aren't those the same excuses the parent's calling in would say? Hmph.

After our adventure to Lowe's I rushed home to get ready for a blind date. One of the many joys of single-hood. It was perfect weather outside and having the wind blow through our apartment made life near perfect. What made it perfect was a friend coming over and catching up which I got ready. I would quickly finish doing my hair, or getting changed, and then we would just sit and talk- or go and look out over the balcony. I am in love with spring time and our balcony. It is one thing I will miss next year at the duplex.

The date was great. Dinner and frozen yogurt, a classic first date. But I was amazed at the lack of blind date stereotypeness. I have come to the point in my life where I am fine with blind dates. I take them as a grain of salt. It is an opportunity to meet someone new, have fun, and if you don't have fun you never have to see them again. Two things I have learned to avoid. Blind dates right after a serious relationship (they will never compare, and they dont really care about you), and getting set up by your single friends (why aren't they dating them if they are so great?). I am always shocked at the number of people who end up getting married off of a blind date. Meet Becca and Jeff. They were set up by two non-member friends. It is amazing to me. This could be because most blind dates feel like an interview. Where are you from? What is your major? How many kids are in your family? I think that is what made this blind date refreshing. It was not an interview. Good work.

The night ended with the typical doorstep scene. oh wait. not typical. I had forgotten my keys. Luckily a party was going on in the ward, so I walked him back to his car on my way to the party. No worries, my roommate was home, i just didn't think to knock. And my other roommate had left a key for me under the mat, however, I didn't check my phone while on the date.

The night ended talking about the mysteries of love and dating with a friend in the ward as we watched hitch. We talked about our "types." His came down to four things. I feel like it is impossible to make a list of your type- after all we are single because we haven't found them yet. There are the essentials- a strong testimony, loving, etc, but a lot of the rest are preferences. Does it really matter if he is tall or short? Dark hair or blonde? I have found my "list" has come from dating experience- you learn what you like and what you dont like...that is the point of dating after all. Becca once put it perfectly when she put it "Marriage is deciding if you can live with the bad." No one is going to be perfect, after all we are all human. But can you handle the things they are missing? Are the deal breakers?

Anyways enough of my rant on dating. the end.

loving the outdoors and Rachel Robinson

oh boy my little eyes are sleepy tonight. it could be from the paper I just finished- or the chalked full day. but i blog. why? tonight. tonight it is simply because I have to for a project (to be honest). but I am sure years down the road I will be grateful for this record of my life and thoughts. plus typing takes a lot less energy.

today was another wonderful day. I keep waiting for the bottom to fall out- life has just been too good. That being said- i would be okay if that didn't happen.

so what made today wonderful.

- student employee appreciation day at work meant that for staff meeting we got to eat cake and just talk. Im okay getting paid to do my two favorite things.

- curtis was amazing and covered my last half an hour so I could leave early

- I got to play with little Ethan today. We went on a walk and played at the park. he is the cutest. I miss being a little kid, but today going down the slides was heavenly. Also on our walk home we saw a filming crew at one of the houses. I asked what was going on- they were filming a halmark film, Doorway (i think thats what it was called)... look for it.

-the lovely Rachel Robinson came into town. which is a great joy in and of itself. we went for a run up in the canyon. perfection. we dropped a car off at the bottom and then drove up farther to start our run. we had ran for approximately 5 minutes when rach realized she had left her keys in my car- so with a little bit of back tracking we were off. It was a perfect run- I love the canyon, and love the sound of water. It was great to just talk and catch up on life. The run flew by (it probably helped that it was a short little guy)

- dinner at Zupas. sitting outside. perfection.

- a surprise "we love rachel robinson" party. It was great to see old friends that came to see Rach. She is so wonderful- i have missed her lots since she moved to salt lake. I lost a running buddy- she has always been someone who helps me want to be better. She is so great at seeing the best in people and being positive. She also is great at getting involved with service opportunities- something I could definitely improve on.

the rest of the night wasn't as wonderful, but still good. It just involved a mug of hot cocoa and writing a paper. oh the joys of school. side note: judy garland had a tough life. thats all.

the worth of souls

everyone has a story.

Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God

Doctrine and Covenants 18:10

Good conversations are my favorite. I love hearing about people's day, and little tidbits, but I love it even more when you break the barriers and just talk about your thoughts and views on life. I find I am really good at surface level conversations with people, and while I love these deeper, thought provoking conversations, I struggle to know how to bridge from "how has your day been" to "how do you view life"

Last night Holly and I went for our usually Tuesday night swim- but with the weather becoming warmer we decided to walk rather than drive. The walk there was beautiful. It was nice to get fresh air, and we passed lots of people coming back from campus on our way. The swim was good. Tiring- but good. I ran into an old friend from freshman year and was able to catch up with him. After completing out goal we made our way to the sauna to dry off before walking home. I had a lot on my mind from my integrity class a few hours earlier and started telling Holly about it. We had talked about defining moments in life- as I told her about what we had defined these "defining moments" to be I asked her what she would consider a defining moment to be. She told me about an experience in high school where she decided that when everyone else was gossiping she would always say something positive- even if it was "She has nice teeth"

Our conversation quickly turned from that moment in time- to our lives now. And just our lives in general. We talked about how we should be kind to everyone- even if they are not kind in return. We talked about how everyone is a son or daughter of our heavenly father and how their worth never chances no matter how they act. We talked about how it is easy to view someone as a problem rather than a person with their own story.  We talked about how you don't know what someone is going through. I love the line in the hymn "Lord, I Would Follow Thee" that say "in the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye cant see." My mom always would joke when driving if someone cut her off that it was because they just really needed to go to the bathroom. I loved her example of assuming the best. I think often times we immediately assume the worst in people. We just others by their actions but we judge ourselves by our intentions.

Last week in our staff meeting, Kayla shared a thought about Dallin H. Oaks. She shared something his wife (whom he raised his children with) had said. She said that she had never heard him complain or say something negative. If there is anyone that you can feel justified in complaining to it is your spouse. but how wonderful is it that he didn't complain. As we complain we look for the negative. more things to justify in saying mean things. but as we look for the positive life becomes brighter- happier, and you stop dwelling on the negative

On our walk home we also talked about excuses. How often we excuse our bad behavior. When we make excuses we are just telling ourselves that the behavior is okay- and if it is okay then we find no need to change. to be better. This morning I was late to work. I had woken up early and decided in the 20 extra minutes I would drop off our electric bill rather than go back to sleep. The customer service office had just moved, and I read the address wrong. I went to 2251 west rather than 351 west. how I read it that wrong- i have no idea. (it could be that I tried to read the small sign from my car- not the smartest). I arrived at work 5 minutes late, instead of the 5 minutes early I normally am. I apologized and my supervisor smiled and said it was not a problem. I so wanted to give her the list of excuses, and I eventually told her the story of how I failed at reading. So my question is- what is the difference between an excuse and telling them what happened?

If I had to give an answer- and mind you, I am no expert- I would say the main difference lies in the quality of your heart. Are you justifying your actions? "It is okay that I was to work late because I had a good reason." or are you shedding light on the situation. "I am so sorry I am late, it wont happen again- this is what happened." but even then isn't telling why you were late giving some sort of justification. So then do you just not explain? oh brother my head is spinning.

One thing I think is a symptom of justification (or living inhumane) is that we elevate ourselves about other. We elevate our needs above theirs. Its okay that I left them waiting because it was important that I do "such and such" a thing. You are saying that your time is more important than theirs. Have you ever noticed how things start later and later. People aren't there so you can start, and the people aren't there because they don't want to wait for it to start. But if everyone and everything just started on time we would never have the problem of "mormon standard time" 

so we talked and talked and talked as we walked home. pondering life. but pondering means nothing without action. what good is thinking about how you can be better without actually doing it. so our goal. go 24 hours without saying anything mean or negative about anything. I am sad to say that I had to start over half way through today, but I know I will eventually be able to go 24 hours- and hopefully be like Dallin H. Oaks and have those closest to me say they have never heard me complain, but until that day I will keep trying.

side note: while these are easy things to talk about- they are a lot harder to put into action. i am so far having the mind set I wish I had. 

tidbits from the day:

i planned my life today. it was perfect. I was able to go in and talk to someone about seminary teaching and my course of action to get to where I want to go. I figured out the classes I need to take to graduate, and signed up for next fall. I even came up with a back-up plan. yay life. except when has life ever gone as planned....stink.

today we were able to go talk to the new group of student going to london this spring and share our gems of knowledge. i loved being able to reminisce, but it is amazing to think that a year has already gone by. It seems like just yesterday I was sitting in the prep class listening to people who had been. I wish I was going with them- there is magic in London.

after talking to the class Lauren and I walked home together. problem. i drove to campus. so i had a nice chat with my mom as I walked back to get my car. luckily for me it started to lightly rain as I walked in the door after getting my car. yay for tender mercies.

half marathon number four- signed up for. may 5th. provo city here we come.

life is fragile.

 nobody's tomorrows are guaranteed

life is fragile. at times I feel invincible, like nothing can stop me. it is amazing how life can change in the blink of an eye.

example one.

one year ago today Garrett Smith passed away. he was young. he was adventurous. What started out as a fun couples weekend skiing in the back country ended horribly. No one would have guessed what would happen, I am sure they woke thinking what a wonderful day for skiing it was. They knew what they were doing- they had all the safety gear. But in seconds the snow gave way sending Garrett and two others down the slope. With frantic searching and the use of beacons, they were able to find him- but unfortunately they were too late. He left behind a loving wife of 9 months, my cousin, Molly, and friends who adored him. 

I remember sitting at the funeral wishing I had gotten to know him better. Story after story was told of his love for life and his outlook towards the world. You never have to do something- you have agency. You can do anything you put your mind to. Life is to be lived.

example two.

still smiling through it all.

two weeks ago I found out a good friend was in a repelling accident.Brittany fell 50-60 feet. Luckily she lived, and didn't experience any brain damage. Brittany was one of the most energetic, full of life people I know. She lives life to the fullest at all times. 

I met her over the summer working EFY. It was my second week as a BC and her first week as a counselor. I met her during Saturday training and we found out we lived 20 minutes from each other. She asked if she would be able to go home after training to see her dad for father's day (we were 2 hours from home). The answer was "of course, you just need to be back by the sunday night devotional" to which she replied. "do you want to come with?" after much deliberation, and being grateful I can't sit still and had gotten everything I needed to get done earlier that day- we were off. The two hour ride was perfect- we talked the entire time. She told me of the adventures she had while working as a zip-line tour guide the months before efy. I thought she was the best person ever. My love for her increased over the summer as I watched her with her youth. Her enthusiasm was contagious.

She ran cross country for USU, and with the accident currently suffering from paralysis of her lower half. The hope is that she will walk in a year. I have been so impressed watching her go through this trial in her life. It is enough to break anyone's spirits- but she has stayed positive through it all.

meet her facebook posts- you cant help but love her

March 25, 2012

I've never been one for Facebook statuses but due to the circumstances and all y'alls support and constant care and concern I thought I'd fill ya in on my thoughts and whats going on from my perspective. Up until two days ago I can honestly say that I haven't had one thought of discouragement or "why me" thoughts. Besides a few whimpers of pain, my tears have always been because I've been overwhel...med with gratitude and the tender mercies of the Lord and just so much joy and love. But the other day my " good stuff" had worn off and i was outside and saw a biker fly by on their road bike and it made me miss blue bullet(my bike) and running and earlier that day doctors kept using the word paralysis (which bothers me b/c I know I'll walk again). But the combo of both of those things allowed fear to seep into my mind and my first tears of fear and disappointment began to fall. But by the time I was back to my room I realized that the only reason those tears were shed was because for a few short minutes my fear was greater than my faith. So those were the first and last tears shed over fear. I know this is all a part of Gods plan for me, and as long as my faith remains greater than my fear God will support me and I will be able to get through this. Once again y'all are the bomb diggity and THANK YOU!

March 26, 2012

"just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more. He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding and compassion which polish you for ever lasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where he wants you to be requires a lot of stretching and that generally entails discomfort and pain. This life is an experience in profound trust-trust in Jesus Christ." -Elder Richard G. Scott

she is absolutely amazing. words can't describe her.

example three

the movie charly. like i said I love it- but watching it on Sunday helps to put life in perspective, and is terrifying all at the same time. death or life changing injury can come at any time- but we can find comfort through the gospel.

it is amazing the circle of life. yes, that is a lion king reference. today in class our teacher told us it was her son's first birthday today. i couldn't help but think of Garrett- on the day that one was taken from this earth, one came. Where there was such sadness for one family, there was great joy for another.

so life is fragile. what good does this knowledge do us? knowing things is great, but without application it is useless. my two cents to the world- don't wait. Like they say in the music man if you always wait for tomorrow you will end up with a lot of empty yesterdays. Seize the day. Make your life meaningful today- become the person you want to be TODAY. there is no reason to wait. (a lot easier said than done)

the end.

random tidbits of the day.

my favorite temple guy lights up my day without fail. as i was leaving he grabbed my hand and told me to be safe. i made a conscious effort to come to complete stops on the way home.

10 miles down on the bike- 20 laps down swimming...lazyman iron man- i kick you in the shins

late night walks home with friends are perfect.

i love love LOVE my integrity class- more to come on that in the days to come.

the girl in the bejewel headband.

people amaze me. I love seeing civility in action. People who are kind to those they dont even know.

I left for school with an uncharged computer once again, but this time I remembered to bring my charger. I had an hour break before class and the plan was to charge that sucker up. Oh wait. I was covering for someone on that hour- and there were no outlets where I was. Plan change. I would just plug it in near where I sit in the class before I would need it. Problem- there were no outlets near where we were sitting. I went on a search and found an outlet 10 rows back. Here is the dilemma- do I leave my computer charging by itself or do I just take notes by hand in my next class. note the next class is with Susan Easton Black who talks faster than a bullet train.

meet Olivia. the girl sitting on the end right by the outlet. my saving grace. I plugged in my computer and turned to her. "hey, if I leave this here will you make sure no one steals it?" we then went on to joke about kung fu moves. Instant friends. Class went by quickly and it was time to go. I tried to rush to get to my computer to save it from feet walking up the aisle (even though it was tucked away by a garbage can- accidents can happen). I get  to the aisle look up, and there is Olivia smiling holding my computer and charger all packed up. She had gotten it all ready, and saved it from clumsy feet. I wish I knew her better than our 20 second conversation. She was a saint.

other random tidbits of the day:

we had a ward FHE tonight. it was perfect. we went bowling. I am a very inconsistent bowler, I have learned. but excited was the time I got two strikes in a row. It was cause for much celebration. A few frames later I got a three. hmmmm. but i am proud to say I broke 100- meaning it was a good game. final score. 107.

I was able to get to bed early last night. It was perfect. minus the fact that I was wide awake. So while I went to my bed at 10:30 I ended up staying awake writing in my journal until midnight, and was still wide awake. I have realized how much I love getting to bed early. I love the winding down of a day. Sitting in bed reading, or writing about thoughts I don't want to share with the world. Perfection.

cardio cinema is my favorite. today was superman returns and a 14 mile bike ride. 60 miles done. 52 more to go before  April 6th.

i believe in Christ

Sundays are just perfect. I dont know how else to describe them.


Today was full of enrichment, and the spirit.


In Relief Society we talked about Time Management. I am pro at wasting time, and it is something I want to be better at. The things we spend our time on shows what are priorities are. Am I hypocritical in what I say is important in my life and what I donate my time to. I let silly things that aren't important to me suck my time away. It is amazing what an outside perspective, or an invitation to examine our own lives can do.


we talked about the atonement and what that can do for us, and related it to time management. It reminded me of something I had learned in a class a few years ago. He talked about how our Heavenly Father just asks for OUR best, and our best might change day to day. There are days I wake up and I feel like I can conquer the world. On those days more is expected of me than the days that I wake up feeling sick, and drained. On those days he expects to do my best, but does not hold me to the same standard as the other days. He makes up the difference.


Later today I was able to go to the Young Ambassador's Fireside on BYU campus entitled "I Believe in Christ." It was wonderful. They sang beautiful songs and interspersed they bore their testimonies of him. The audience joined in on the last song by singing the last verse of "I know that my Redeemer lives" The spirit was over powering. It was beautiful. It also doesn't hurt that it is one of my favorite hymns.

I Know That My Redeemer Lives

I know that my Redeemer lives,

What comfort this sweet sentence gives?

He lives, he lives who once was dead,

He lives, my ever living head!

He lives to bless me with his love,

He lives to plead for me above,

He lives my hungry soul to feed,

He lives to bless in time of need.

He lives to grant me rich supply,

He lives to guide me with his eye,

He lives to comfort me when faint,

He lives to hear my soul's complaint:

He lives to silence all my fears,

He lives to stop and wipe my tears,

He lives to calm my troubled heart,

He lives all blessings to impart:

He lives my kind, wise, heav'nly friend,

He lives and loves me to the end,

He lives, and while he lives I'll sing,

He lives, my Prophet, Priest, and King:

 He lives and grants me daily breath,

He lives, and I shall conquer death,

He lives my mansion to prepare,

He lives to bring me safely there:

He lives, all glory to his name!

He lives, my Jesus, still the same:

O the sweet joy this sentence gives,

"I know that my Redeemer lives."

I have found in my life that one of the fastest ways I feel the spirit is through music. I am grateful we had the opportunity to go to the fireside. The night was topped off with watching Charly (one of my favorite movies ever- as Ethan could tell by my quoting it to him). While I ended the night in tears, because of the heart wrenching ending- I am so grateful for the knowledge I have of the plan of salvation.

today was a good day.

Saturday in the Park, I think it was the... 24th of March

I grew up listening to the band Chicago. I loved belting along as loud as i could- "if you see me walking by and the tears are in my eyes, look away baby look away" I think I did a pretty good rendition. Im sure part of my love of the band was attributed to the fact that I grew up in Chicago. The song of theirs that runs through my head on a semi-regular basis is Saturday in the Park. Especially if it is Saturday and I go to a park (makes sense.)

enjoy.

Last night I had fallen asleep on our big couch upstairs. I love those couches...lots. We have found that our loft gets a perfect breeze if you open up both of the windows, meaning I could cuddle up with blankets and not get hot. perfection. what was weird was that I woke up cuddled up with blankets on the small couch. I have no recollection of switching couches. My list of things I do in my sleep in getting quite long now. Sleep talking, sleep diving, and now sleep walking. Oh brother.

The afternoon was filled with "Love's Labors Lost," BYU's production of a Shakespearean Comedy. It was perfect. The play was set during WWII, and was full of energy. I LOVED it. They mixed some swing in which made my life happy- and made me miss Bill. During intermission they invited people to come on stage and dance to the live band. We sat and talked, but I couldnt help remember my Senior year of high school when we had gone to the Swingsingers show. They sang "Unforgettable" and invited everyone up to dance. No one moved. My dad grabbed my hand and we went up. We danced- and it was perfect.

family dance party at Becca's wedding.

dancing with the old man. it might be what I look forward to most at my own someday wedding.

It's funny how it is something so small but means the world to me. I was dating a guy a little while back and we went to a wedding reception where there was dancing. We didn't dance. That night we talked- I realized the things I would have to give up if we got married. Growing up dancing in the kitchen with my dad, and dancing with another boy I dated has made that something I look for. It was hard for me to think that I we were to get married that wouldn't be a part of our life. We talked, and he was perfect and said that it wasn't something I would have to give up- that he would dance with me.  As I was sitting there, on a date, I couldn't help but think about what I value in dating. What are the important characteristics? Do I NEED someone who will dance with me while cleaning up from dinner, or just someone who loves me? I think there are thing that are critical but other things that are just preferences- the really questions is how picky can you be, and what constitutes settling.

Tangent over. the play was great though. Full of comical moments. good times.

The rest of the night was planned to be spent at the Real Salt Lake Game with our Pass of all Passes, but plans changed. We decided we just wanted a relaxing night in Provo full of frozen yogurt, food from the hospital (a foot long corndog is only $1.75... amazing!), and a bike ride- followed of course with a movie and hot chocolate. Did the night go according to plan? no sir.

i cleaned and talked to the lovely becca, then we found out we had two free ice cream opportunities so scratch fro yo. then it was off to the hospital for din din but i was still stuffed from dateness. so al got food and it was off to a park. the best park in provo. it has a river with a bridge (perfect for pooh sticks) and a playground with swing, and pavilions, and a forest with trails, AND a pond with ducks! perfection.

look at that corndog... so so soooooo good.

i am so excited for spring/summer 

squeeze drinks...soo good.

Alison's lotion exploded in her purse. no bueno seniorita.

the night was finished off with a birthday party. make that two birthday parties. and then getting served Ice Cream because the boys thought we had General Relief Society Meeting. we didnt- but they still gave us ice cream. by this time we were feeling sickly full of sugar so it was home to watch Madagascar 2.

while things didn't go as planned it was a perfect, relaxing night.

Words to live by...

Unleashing the Dormant Spirit

Elder F. Enzio Busche

Embrace this day with an enthusiastic welcome, no matter how it looks. The covenant with God to which you are true enables you to become enlightened by him, and nothing is impossible for you.

When you are physically sick, tired, or in despair, steer your thoughts away from yourself and direct them, in gratitude and love, toward God.

In your life there have to be challenges. They will either bring you closer to God and therefore make you stronger, or they can destroy you. But you make the decision of which road you take.

First and foremost, you are a spirit child of God. If you neglect to feed your spirit, you will reap unhappiness. Don't permit anything to detract you from this awareness.

You cannot communicate with God unless you have first sacrificed your self-oriented natural man and have brought yourself into the lower levels of meekness, to become acceptable for the Light of Christ.

Put all frustrations, hurt feelings, and grumblings into the perspective of your eternal hope. Light will flow into your soul.

Pause to ponder the suffering Christ felt in the Garden of Gethsemane. In the awareness of the depth of gratitude for him, you appreciate every opportunity to show your love for him by diligently serving in his Church.

God knows that you are not perfect. As you suffer about your imperfections, he will give you comfort and suggestions of where to improve.

God knows better than you what you need. He always attempts to speak to you. Listen, and follow the uncomfortable suggestions that he makes to us--everything will fall into its place.

Avoid any fear like your worst enemy, but magnify your fear about the consequences of sin.

When you cannot love someone, look into that person's eyes long enough to find the hidden rudiments of the child of God in him.

Never judge anyone. When you accept this, you will be freed. In the case of your own children or subordinates, where you have the responsibility to judge, help them to become their own judges.

If someone hurts you so much that your feelings seem to choke you, forgive and you will be free again.

Avoid at all cost any pessimistic, negative, or criticizing thoughts. If you cannot cut them out, they will do you harm. On the road toward salvation, let questions arise but never doubts. If something is wrong, God will give you clarity but never doubts.

Avoid rush and haste and uncontrolled words. Divine light develops in places of peace and quiet. Be aware of that as you enter places of worship.

Be not so much concerned about what you do, but do what you do with all your heart, might, and strength. In thoroughness is satisfaction.

You want to be good and to do good. That is commendable. But the greatest achievement that can be reached in our lives is to be under the complete influence of the Holy Ghost. Then he will teach us what is really good and necessary to do.

The pain of sacrifice lasts only one moment. It is the fear of the pain of sacrifice that makes you hesitate to do it.

Be grateful for every opportunity to serve. It helps you more than those you serve.

And finally, when you are compelled to give up something or when things that are dear to you are withdrawn from you, know that this is your lesson to be learned right now. But know also that, as you are learning this lesson, God wants to give you something better.

*if you have a chance read the whole devotional. It is wonderful

let the odds be ever in your favor...

today felt like summer. it might be because I dont have classes on Thursday, or the fact that the rest of my day was spent playing.

the morning started off with tears as I drove Anne to the Provo Airport to go home before her mission. I had been to tired the night before to write her a note so I decided I would just tell her in person what I had wanted to write. BAD IDEA. I now know why I love notes so much, because I can keep my emotions in check and not be a blubbering fool. It was fun to take her to the Provo Airport- I had never been there before. Thank you frontier for now coming to Provo.

It was then off to work until 2- the day seemed to go faster than usual which I was very happy about. Then it was home to get stuff done before Fly Fishing.

yes thats right- fly fishing.

I was talking to a boy in my ward and mentioned that I had never caught a fish that I can remember- or really gone fishing for that matter. So he was a doll (ehh...action figure style) and took me. We had waders and all. I learned quickly that I am not the best fly fisher in the world. He was kind and patient with me as I tried and tried to get the cast just right. And shielded me as i almost hooked us- no worries I never succeeded in almost killing us. I was as giddy as could be walking around in the river staying as dry as could be.

i am sad to say we didn't catch a fish- but we did hook one. Jon said it was a big one- i was just freaking out and giggling because I didnt know what I was doing. Unfortunately, the fish was a smart one and got us hooked on the bottom and broke the line. Sneaky little bugger.

my huge boots. aka jon's boots i wore. i was clanking around like there was no tomorrow.

It was home for .5 seconds and off to eat Lamb (really beef) and Plum stew before the Hunger Games. We had tickets for the early premiere at 8:00 which was perfect considering I can't stay awake through a Midnight showing if my life depended on it.

The movie was extremely well done. It followed the book for the most part and the casting was perfect. As we got in the car to go home we analyzed the movie- which might be my favorite. It was a hard movie to watch. You read the books and know that the premise is people killing each other, but to see it depicted is different. It is a movie I am glad I saw, and thought was amazing, but Im not sure if I would say "hey guys, lets watch the hunger games this weekend." While it showed many inhumane moments- it also showed a lot of amazing things about humanity. Like when Katniss volunteers as tribute to save her sister. Or when Rue dies, and later the boy from District 11 saves Katniss' life. How Katniss risked her life to save Peeta. The list goes on and on.

So my question about character, integrity, and the hunger games- is it okay to kill someone if you are protecting yourself and you have to? 

the night ended with a brief scare that my laptop was stolen- luckily a friend had it to work on editing our video for our wards academy awards night tomorrow, and the rest of the night was spent editing some more. I am proud to say it is done- it might not be good but it is done. A link will come shortly to watch the amazingness...

everyday creativity.

have I mentioned how much I love SFL 480. because I love it a lot.

today we watched a movie. an old movie. a hysterically cheesy movie. but an inspiring movie. It was called everyday creativity- it was a movie about a photographer for National Geographic who talked about... you guessed it- everyday creativity.

i was scribbling down notes furiously the whole time. here are the gems i found.

- look at the ordinary and see the extraordinary in life
- creativity is falling in love with the world
- your life can be creative. everything you do you can make extraordinary.
- it matters what lens you use- what is you perspective when you look at a problem. there is always another perspective.
- there are thousands of ways to look at a problem- be creative, there is more than one right answer.
- don't just stop at one right answer
- embrace change- don't look at the world with restrictions but rather with possibility
- don't be afraid to make mistakes. if you dont take risks you wont get the best results.
- learn from your mistakes. make a win-lose situation into a win-learn.
- if we let our patters go too long unquestioned they become our prisons. break the pattern- do it better.
- put yourself in the place of most potential
- life had decisive moments and you have to be ready when the opportunity comes
- REALLY CARE about all those around you and all you do

like I said it was an amazing video, and I loved it. It is amazing the parallels one can find in life. He paralleled photography with living morally. I have seen a parallel between teaching and baseball. It is amazing how you can find learning opportunities in all you do if you take to really analyze the things around you in life. If you "debrief" your life. Good old EFY FHE games. You can apply anything to the gospel if you try.

new topic. I have found that life is what you make it.

It all depends on the effort you put in.

meet the beginning of my year: I had left the Colony, moved to Mountainwood. I missed my ward. I missed my friends. I missed Bishop Munoa. I missed it all. I constantly had the thought "what did I do?" I started dating someone, and put absolutely no effort into making friends.

fast forward to a month ago. I am no longer dating said boy. I am being friendly, and doing my best to say hi to others. If invited to something, I go rather than ignore the invitation. and no longer did the thoughts of "what did I do?" cross my mind. I went from feeling like I knew no one to feeling like I was friends with everyone.

Did the people change? no. but the effort I put in changed. I was talking to someone about if they were going to stay in the complex the other day. their response "no way- its the worst ward I have been in." It broke my heart. How could think the ward was awful- it was one of the best wards I had been in. I loved and raved about it constantly. We talked a little more, and he said that no one comes and says hi to him at church, etc. I asked him if he said hi, if he was friendly, if he made an effort. He said no- which was immediately followed with a "...BUT..." it is so easy to victimize ourselves. to think the world is out to get us. but when you look outward, and when you make an effort to make friends with those around you the effects are much greater, and life is filled with happiness. Truth- i could be better and finding those people who don't feel included and make a special effort to help them feel loved.

tonight's fun activities with the ward consisted of watching the edited version of Amalie, and having a going away party for Anne. how I will miss that girl.

other random tidbit- Katherine Whiting, one of the processors at work, is the sweetest people in the world. We have become friends over the phone in our 30 second conversations. A few weeks ago when I was sick she brought me a water bottle and herbal tea, and today she took me out to lunch. We both adore thai food so it was perfect. Mid-meal she expressed how she really wanted me to try the pad thai and got me and order of it to go. it will feed me for days. it was so kind of her- i was amazed at her generosity. i hope one day to have the money to be that generous.

I love to see the temple.

I love to see the temple.
I’m going there someday
To feel the Holy Spirit,
To listen and to pray.
For the temple is a house of God,
A place of love and beauty.
I’ll prepare myself while I am young;
This is my sacred duty.

I love to see the temple.
I’ll go inside someday.
I’ll cov’nant with my Father;
I’ll promise to obey.
For the temple is a holy place
Where we are sealed together.
As a child of God, I’ve learned this truth:
A fam’ly is forever.

Today. Today was a perfect day. I'm not sure what made it so perfect. It might have been the wonderful devotional by Amy Jensen, or maybe it was the fact that class was cancelled so I could go spend time with family, it might have been checking off 15 miles of biking and 20 laps of swimming off the lazyman iron man, or it might have been seeing friends at the Relief Society Birthday Party. It could have been anyone of those things- or all combined- but what made today so absolutely wonderfully perfect was the temple.

There is something about the temple that puts me at peace and just brings joy to my life. It is everything combined. It is the sound of the oxygen pump making it possible for the man at the front desk to tell me "thank you for coming." It is the smiles of the workers, and hearing my name called. It is getting a side hug from an 80 year old man who tells you you are beautiful. most of all it is knowing I am in the house of my Heavenly Father, that I am living my life right (or at least trying), and that I am doing work for those who have gone before me.

I am not sure how to connect this with Integrity or Character- I guess it is all encompassing. Regular temple attendance is something we have been instructed to do by church leaders and we will be blessed for going. It should be a priority in our life. It isn't always easy to go- and Satan will try his hardest to prevent you from going- but it shows that you live by what you believe by going. The workers are there every week, giving up hours of their life to make it possible for me to go. I am always in awe by their love and selflessness. Oh brother- I adore them so soo much!

I love the temple. And I am looking forward to the day that I can go through the rest of the temple.

La Vita E Bella

 

Life is Beautiful.

This phrase might be among my favorites. That could be why it's the title of my blog. Im not sure what brought the inspiration- it might have been the song by Vega 4 that is one of my favorites or the wonderful Italian Film.

Tonight this phrase was reiterated to me as we watched the movie for a class. I sat and watched Guido as he made the most of life- and he lived every second- and when he looked on the bright side even when life was absolutely horrible. I absolutely love Guido. love love LOVE him. i think he is absolutely perfect.

The movie was perfect. I dont know why movies are not made the way they used to be. We sat there stunned in silence as the movie ended. Tears would come at random moments (after it finished). The beauty of the film, the horrible events depicted, and the heart-wrenching ending- there was no way one could hold their emotions in.

At the very beginning of the film Guido is talking with his friend about will power. His friend turned to him and said "with willpower you can do anything. i am what i want to be." Isn't it amazing to think that we can be anyone we want to be. We have the ability to choose who we want to be.

There are times in life where I just feel awkward and out of place. Normally when I'm around people who I am unsure if they like me. It's amazing how confidence can bring out who you truly are or who you want to be. Being around people who I know adore  me makes me feel like I can do anything and wont be judged- while with others I feel like I am walking on egg shells or auditioning. dumb, right? But I can be what I want to be- i dont have to let others affect how I act.

I have recently felt like I have been so blessed in my life. There is nothing out of the ordinary- just work and school. but life has truly been beautiful. It might be the budding spring weather (despite the recent snow), or the budding friendships- it might be everything combined which has made life so wonderful.

random tidbits:

we are making a video for FHE- i am an FHE group leader, and unfortunately my co-leader is extremely busy so he can rarely come. meaning he is not there to help lead. i am fine with being in charge. and at times i like it. but when it comes to making videos I HATE being in charge. hate hate hate it. that could be part of my awkwardness lately. hmph.

tomorrow is  the beautiful maggie sigler's birthday. so tonight it was off to McDonald's to watch her pound 24 kiddie cones. she impressed once again. now it is on to watching "She is the Man" while catching up on homework. oh the joys- im just not looking forward to waking up for work in the morning. no bueno.

today was a 16 mile bike ride while watching the incredibles at the gym. i felt like i had embodied the hall family name. bike riding check. the incredibles (which has been watched many times in a row by james).

running into old friends is one of the best things ever. especially when they take you to lunch. thank you stephen meyer. you are grand.

God's Overwhelming Love for Us

Sundays might be the best day of the week. sundays with a fireside on the end are the bestest day ever! Tonight we had a stake fireside given by a religion professor at BYU.

he started by stating that there is a stereotype that the God in the New Testament is a god of mercy and the Old Testament shows a god of justice. but in reality by looking further and more in depth into the stories we actually learn that there are more examples of his love throughout the Old Testament.

It is through his justice that he teaches us but he is constantly begging us to come back to him.

One of my favorite points he made was that we can never mess up enough to make our heavenly father not love us. He loves us infinitely, and unconditionally.

We should constantly be striving to be better and more Christlike but when we make mistakes, and we will all make mistakes, our heavenly father has given us a way to return to him through the atonement. And while there might be pain along the way, it is there because he loves us and wants us to return to him.

dear service. you are wonderful.

service. it is an amazing and unselfish thing. I am bewildered at times at the service people perform. this saturday was one of the times where I was blown away at the kindness and generosity of those around me.

meet matt and keri. they are remodeling their house. they have until may 1st to get everything done. meet ellie. their sister. who likes to help but does not know how to do much besides paint and play with kids. meet my amazing friends (im sick of the third personness) who spent their saturday helping at their house. they had never met them. had no connection. yet gave up a huge chunk of their saturday to help our family. I am so grateful to be surrounded by such wonderful selfless people.

what was accomplished in one afternoon:

• panelling taken off a wall
• a wall torn down
• some wallpaper removed (before learning it would be better to just prime over it.)
• a room primed (two coats)
• light fixtures replaced
• a chandelier taken down
• dry wall, and mudding/tapping done in a closet
• rotten boards in the deck replaced
• a closet painted
• put up fence posts
• changed a tire
• watched kids...

holy hannah!! its amazing everything that got done. and how generous everyone was. some were their for over 6 hours. 

it says a lot about the CHARACTER (after all this is for my integrity and character building class) if a person is willing to give up their own time for another. my sister-in-law turned to me at the end and said "any of the four left would make great husband material" i smiled and laughed but couldn't help but think that that is a quality I would want in my future spouse. Someone who is a hard worker and selfless all at the same time.

something i have noticed over the years are there are the people who are kind and friendly to those they are interested in and those who are kind to all those around them. my suggestion to the world. be the latter. 

a yellow balloon with a smiley face.

there are times when everything just seems to fall into place and i just cant get enough of life. meet friday.

it started with a normal slow day at work. complete with popsicles for treat friday. we all talked and laughed in between calls, and the calls I did have involved no mean callers. woowhoo.

then it was off to Moral Foundations of Family Life. love. and because Dr. Olson is so amazing a camera crew was there because they are doing a feature on him for BYU TV because of an award he just won... because. They asked for people who wouldn't mind being interviewed about Dr. Olson and his class. I looked down at myself. It was another "roll out of bed throw a skirt on" morning. My hair was in a messy bun and i had no make-up on. I sat in shock as I felt my hand raise- i would do anything for this professor- even sing his praise on television feeling gross. the interview was great- and just got to tell them what made Dr. Olson so amazing and what was so important about the subject material we were learning about.

after class it was off to training for work. this weeks topic... positive attitude. What is so important about a positive attitude and why do we care at work? well folks who wants to be helped by a negative nancy? not me. The best part came at the end when they passed at yellow balloons with a smiley face and told us we had to find someone on campus to give it away to. Ashley and I walked out together- balloons in tow- excited and a little nervous to give them away, but still as giggly as ever. I saw someone laying on the grass studying human physiology. studying is never that fun- so I ran and gave him my balloon. I was amazed first at the confidence I had while giving it away, but also by his reaction. He was genuinely happy to be getting this yellow balloon with a smiley face. I couldn't help but picture him going home that day at telling his roommates about this random balloon he got and how it made his day a little better. I left feeling like a million bucks. The sun was shining and life was just perfect.

It is amazing the joy that is given us when we serve. even in those small moments, or random acts of service- to know you have done something to help another person is an amazing feeling. What would the world be like if we all were service minded. If we constantly looked for ways we could help others rather than being caught up in our own little world. We have been talking in my LDS Perspectives on Psychology class about Self-Image and how we shouldn't have one. We should not focus inwards but rather know that we are nothing without the savior and turn outwards. I have found in my life when I am going through a difficult time one of the best things I can do is help another person. No matter how sad i think my life is, there is always someone whose life is harder than mine- and it helps to put it all in perspective. I have been very blessed in my life with a loving family, with parents who have a wonderful marriage, and have had many opportunities placed before me that are not offered to others. To sit and wallow in self-pity is a waste of this life and the time we have. Live each day to the fullest, and look outside yourself. that is the moral of todays message.

other random tidbits:

this is anne pearson's last weekend before she goes home for her mission. i am so incredibly sad- i will miss that girl lots and lot. tonight we (her, me, alison, and diana) went to the hospital, grabbed some dinner (at the hospital- that was the reason for the visit) and then we were off to rock canyon to eat and catch up. we then made our way to JCWs who supposedly have the best shakes ever...we got the grasshopper...i thought i was eating toothpaste (they put too much mint in ours) but even though it was super minty it was delicious.

im doing the lazyman iron man. i have four weeks to complete an iron man. how anyone does that in a day is beyond me. so today was the biking day. a short short biking day- but we have 4 miles down biking. 13 miles down running. and 6 will be added to that tomorrow morning at the rex lee run.

im running the rex lee run tomorrow. i am going to die. but for real. my muscles were sore yesterday and i have done nothing to help that- especially considering after JCW's we hiked the Y. i am going to die. wish me luck.

positive versus negative duty

day two.

Today is positive and negative duties. have you ever thought about the word duty. for some reason i think it is an extremely funny word. yes, im five.

so what are positive and negative duties you ask?

a positive duty is when you act to preserve life. a negative duty is when you refuse to act to preserve life.

examples to think about (i might be stealing some of these from my SFL 480 class):

1. you are a doctor in the outback (Australian style). 5 hikers come in to your clinic. All five are suffering from hikinonia (a made up disease caught while hiking). You only have four CCs of sleepicillin (a drug that will cure them). One hiker is suffering a severe case, the guess is he is the one who caught it first and infected the others. He requires four CCs to survive. However, the other four only need one. do you save the one or the four?

2. you are a sheriff (much like in the game bang- which I played on Saturday...and sunday and loved it). you are holding a prisoner who is awaiting his pending trial, where he will most likely be sentenced to death. A mob comes to the jail and tells you that they hate him and want to kill him. All you have to do is take a longer lunch break. If you don't they will kill four civilians. What do you do?

3. You are a doctor and you have four patience all needing different organs (liver, heart, kidney, and lung). A man comes in who is a perfect match for all four organs. He tells you he would like to donate them. He is in good health, and is not likely to die any time soon. Do you take his organs, killing him and saving the four?

why is the answer different from one and three? well folks its because of duty. in scenario one you are deciding between positive and positive duty. In that case utilitarianism comes into play (doing the greatest good for the greatest number of people). But in scenario three you are choosing between positive and negative duty. Side note: negative duty almost always trumps positive duty.

personal application.

yesterday I was driving to my integrity and personal character class. I was coming up to a stop light on campus that is used to allow people to cross the street. The light was green, but I had been slowing down trying to figure out where I was going. As I slowed, people started inching their way into the road- and then crossing. Perplex faces looked both ways as the light was still green. I had been shag-hied. I had a funny non-verbal with a guy on the side of the road. he looked at me- and then at the people in front of my car with a quizzical look. I shrugged my shoulders and told him to cross. The light turned yellow, and then red, as I waited for the pedestrians to cross.

now how does this situation have to do with positive duty. well I was honoring my positive duty when I stopped my car so I wouldn't hit a pedestrian. I then was honoring my negative duty as I refused to go even though the light was green because there were people in front of me.

make any sense?

random tidbits of the day.

happy pi(e) day. I hope it was enjoyable and filled with pie. Some friends in my ward threw a pie party- which was quite delicious.

i went running again today. im starting to love it again. today it was a run to Matt and Keri's from my apartment. I decided to run sans music and loved just being out there me and the road. I found back roads, and kept myself entertained by trying to figure out the best route. The sun was shining- there was a slight breeze. it was perfect. what was not perfect was the fact that my sweat was burning my face because of my extremely dry skin. luckily, keri is a doll and gave me some extra strength lotion. fingers crossed it will help. she was also a doll and drove me to class after my 6.5 mile run. she is the bestest.

after class a friend who is an RA at Heleman Halls took me to the Cannon Center. Best thing ever. I relived my freshman days as I grabbed my tray and looked out the options. However, nothing looked appetizing. It might have been the fact I had just run and grease sounded disgusting- but the endless buffet was wasted on me. better luck next time.

knowing people pays off. yesterday I got a text from a friend saying they had two free tickets to see xanadu at the hale center theater. I couldn't say no. So Cecily and I jumped in the car and went and chuckled our way through the show. It wasn't what I was expecting- very glittery and flamboyant- but it was full of life and energy. Brittany (a girl in my ward, and marrying Jason) was amazing. I was proud to know her. The show was only and hour and a half with no intermission which was perfect because it meant we could get back for the pie party. It was so fun to go to a show again. It reminded me of being in London going to a show every other night.

random tidbits of life.

On saturday we had a clothes swap. aka bring clothes you dont want any more and other people can take them. it was grand. I followed that with a test- and then an afternoon playing with ethan. The little guy is adorable- and super shy around strangers. My roommates bribed him with gummy bears and army men and he opened up in no time. we topped it off playing at the park with cooper and joy. i could have played at that park forever. the night ended with a very funny, very awkward, blind date. oh the joys of dating.

*pictures to come*

sunday was a perfect day. literally. church was wonderful, and we had sunday school outside. The weather was gorgeous. No complaints. A group of us played ticket to ride after church. we had two games going- i played with cooper and winston. probably the funniest boys I know- trash talk was exchanged. And i am proud to say I did not let the hall family name down, and won.

on monday we had FHE down in payson. we went and visited an old couple who had just gotten home from their mission. It was both of their second marriages (due to death and divorce) and they were absolutely adorable. They had only been married six years but if you did know you would have guessed 30. They were so in love, and acted just like teenagers. I loved listening to their stories and could have stayed all night.

sorry for the novel. but you made it through.

STDEV 214R

Meet my newest night class. 

Night classes might be one of the worst things ever. Especially on days that you have no class. At the time that everyone is getting home from school you are heading out. "Why do I do this to myself?" Is a constant question as I make the trek back up to campus.

As awful as night classes are in theory, this night class is actually a heaven send. It is an integrity and character building class. I figured that I needed all the help I can get... well and it sounded amazing and was a one credit class, and I was in need of one more credit.

The class is full of controversy and discussion. Thoughts. Perplexing situations. and spending time with old friends. The beautiful Jackie Clark and the wonderful Spencer Schmutz are in my class. Both amazing people. I have found that much of what we are learning in that class parallels with what we have learned in my SFL 480 class (moral foundations of family life...take it!!!)

Well folks- I have some good news. (and by folks I mean, cathy  cate aka mom) We have a project for the class. We had three options. I chose the blog option.

You'll keep a daily journal of your observations of the day regarding integrity, honor, and character. Consider your own actions and those of others, and try to make small changes in your choices; show your growth through your journaling.  You will submit the journal (with 35 entries) and a 2-page reflection.  Your blogs must be original work, and not copied and pasted from other assignments.  You can also do just one entry per day; the intention is that this will take place over time.

So my musings on integrity, honor, and character will be here. I figure it is a perfect way to force me to blog/journal more and complete an assignment all at once.

so here i go.... day one.

have you ever thought about what all goes in to you making a decision. i am awful at making decisions. AWFUL. movie night with hot chocolate has become a common occurrence in our apartment- and I always make Alison decide. I hate dates where they make you decide what you want to do (that should be added to the list of dating advice). I always have so many conflicting thoughts going on in my mind that coming to a conclusion seems impossible. (I would like to point out that I DO make decisions, I just dont like unnecessary ones). well today in class we learned about the thought process that goes into making a decision.

i will enlighten you.

it all starts with the question. that this you are trying to solve. but dont forget there is purpose behind all decisions you are trying to make. a deeper purpose that you might share with people. 

we then have some influencing characteristics... this would include your point of view. these are external (well kind of internal) characteristics that affect your decision. example. gender, religion, profession, age, point in time, etc... we also have information. This is all you know about the decision you are making. Or the facts you are going off. But warning: you dont always have accurate or trustworthy information. sneaky information.

we next infer something about the situation based on the information we have. which leads to an assumption. and those assumptions have certain implications. now dont forget the underlying concepts we have during all of this. concepts= how we define certain things that impact our thought process.

is your head spinning yet?

simplified. 1. question. 2. purpose. 3. Point of View. 4. Information. 5. Inferences. 6. Assumptions. 7. Implications. 8. Concepts.

and there you have it. you have just experienced the elements of thought without ever realizing you thought them.

okay so now a personal experience to try to drive it home.

background. dated boy. ended things with boy. stayed in contact with boy. as bill and cate say "Ellie, you dont know how to break up with a boy." kind of true. well i am proud to say I am finally trying to break my vicious cycle and move on... now how did we get to this decision. 

*names have been change to protect privacy. ooo thats just fun to say. we will call said boy "Joe Bob" heheh. 

P.S. I apologize to the third party if you are reading this. This is purely focusing on my thought process. and its for school. so please dont hate me. are we cool? sweet. phew.

okay lets take a crack at this...

question: do I keep texting Joe Bob? (the question is something on the surface- the purpose is deeper)

purpose: to move on and no longer be emotionally attached to Joe Bob in any way.

point of view: single. 21 years old. female. mormon. senior at BYU. (these are all just simple demographics)

information: Joe Bob and I had been off and on for a year. we had officially ended things 2 months earlier. Joe Bob was hanging out with other girls. i was going out on multiple dates. 

inference: we are officially over. (this is "a step of the mind. and intellectual act by which someone concludes something is true.")

assumptions: there is no point in continuing to text an old boyfriend every day if there is no thought of dating. 

implication: we can't text anymore, so I should not respond.

concepts: breaking up means you dont talk anymore. boys dont want to date a girl who is emotionally involved with another boy. (things that we conceptualize...how is that for an explanation)

i will say something about the importance of timing. two months ago- ending communication was extremely hard and painful. i tried. but when I came to this conclusion this time- it just made sense. I was done. everyone has their own timing. what works for one person, might not work for another. If there is anything I have learned from talking to different friends in different relationships it is this. It is important to be understanding and supportive. You can offer them your two cents, and give them additional information- but they have to come to the decision on their own. Otherwise it wont work.

The end of my rant and lesson on thought process. until tomorrow.